Coulda let the dream killers kill my self-esteem, or use the arrogance as the steam that power my dreams...

"Never change for the mainstream-stay in your lane, and if you're talented and resilient enough the mainstream will come to you." - Russell Simmons - "Do You!"

I was brought to an ugly place last night. I laid in the bed and thought about where I am right now and then saw myself sitting in that office when I'm 45...I broke down, I couldn't handle it, I can't stay "here" anymore. It is the worst place in the world to be... a place where you aren't allowed to be you. I go to work and everybody is so afraid of losing their job (actually of losing their stuff that the job pays for) that they will do anything to keep from getting let go, which includes disrespecting themselves. It is the biggest struggle of my life. I walk around wanting to yell at everybody..."WHAT IS YOUR DEAL! THE SUN DOES NOT RISE AND FALL WHEN YOU COMMAND IT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Okay, so that was a tad dramatic, but that's how I feel. It just drives me insane to be a part of it, and it's a culture that is encouraged, so that the powerful can stay powerful at the expense of the hardworking little people. I do my job well and I am reliable and loyal, that should be enough, but it's not, I'm supposed to massage egos and inflate heads already blown up to the point they are taking up all the space in the room.

But then, I woke up this morning, with a fresh idea that I'm sure will be the catalyst for my transition from "here" to "there". I will not deal with the crap anymore. I'm not afraid of being poor, I want to afford what I want, but I refused to change who I am to get that stuff. I would rather be poor doing me than rich playing a part. We should all be that way, we have to trust that God will take care of us if we just do what He called us to do, follow your heart, trust God, and know that the universe will follow the pattern. Things fall apart when we go through life trying to do things against the plan laid before us. We would all be much happier this way...

Just wait and see, I have something that will change the way the world looks at black people and music. I know God has called me to do something special, something that will help those who are willing to come back to the beginning when we were guided by love, not selfish imaginary ambition that leads to divisions and chaos...I refuse to say "here"...I'm on my way "there".

Peace