My secret

I love you, I can’t deny,
My compulsion is hard to hide.
I’m focused, determined to the untrained eye,
But through your eyes, I’m a star in the sky.

From beginning to end, why are you at both?
Continuing to meditate overflowed with hope.
It’s like your name is the embodiment of my existence,
I hold close the thoughts of you, they are my dependence.

Clearly you know me, hopefully you see me, I’m within your vicinity.
Your love for me is so deeply hidden, no one can see but me.
I envision the future with you in mind,
I go blind, waiting for this time, its unaligned our completion undefined.

Why do I feel this way, it won’t go away?
You’re so far it seems, just like all my dreams.
I fight the desire to meditate on this feeling,
But just to hear your name is so appealing, but it’s unfulfilling.
The closer the further, I wonder whether, we’ll ever be together.

I love you, I can’t deny,
My compulsion is hard to hide.
I’m focused, determined to the untrained eye,
But through your eyes, a star in the sky.

I love this! Go Celtics!

So I'm becoming a huge Celtics fan, mainly because of Rondo, I so love him! The statement that I love is that Nate said, "Be patient, wait for my number to be called, and be prepared..." That's what we all need to do...



Go Celtics! The Lakers are going down!

The greatest rapper alive...

So this isn't the typical post you'd see on my page, but I truly love hip hop. Please note that this freestyle may offend you, so if you're sensitive to language don't listen. But I'm constantly talking about people doing what they were created to do, and Em was created to do this. I can only imagine how amazing he'd be if he were born in a different generation and only had a poetry medium to express himself, his written word is just as amazing as his delivery. Enjoy...

What you call failure, I call opportunity

I am going through yet another transition, a growth. It's funny to me how uncomfortable it is to grow, to be better than you've ever been. I haven't done this very many times I confess, but I know what it is when it's happening. I'm starting to question what God wants me to do with myself. Everything feels so scattered and disjointed...what's real, what's my selfish desire, what will be blessed. I'm grateful for my past because it taught me to enjoy the journey and that's what I'm doing, what will I gain by being unhappy anyway. My new mantra is "Carpe Diem", I will love hard and I will take advantage of everything everyday! Why stay in this world and be unhappy, God created it for us to enjoy even though we destroy it, it's still ours. God gave us dominion (rule) over this land, so guess what that's what I'm gonna do. Even when things don't go my way, you know what...that doesn't mean anything, it means I get another opportunity to get it right the next time. People are just people, just like me, they don't have real power, just the power I allow them to have.

Psalms 118:24 This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
(Thanks Pastor Cosby!)

I thank God for those who came before me, paved the way and never gave up even when it got hard and it felt pointless. I wouldn't be sitting here today without what they did and what they sacrificed.

Solitude...maybe...

Alone

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Maya Angelou

Sometimes I just want to be left alone...there are always people around, I never get a moment to myself. I rarely even get to do a thing for myself...then I think, but is that really what I want...made me think of this poem...

Sunday is coming...Friday is gone...

If we live in the Spririt, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
Galatians 5:25,26

If I am a Christian...shouldn't you be able to tell? Is my behavior a reflection of who God is? How can I say I am a dancer that never goes to a dance studio, or that I am a basketball player who owns no ball? Should I not sacrifice my time, talent, and my treasures to encourage, demonstrate, and perfect that which I proclaim? To say that I am a Christian is to say that I am not so many other things...the question is...

Who do you say I am??????

It's so hard to say goodbye...

In the corners of mind
I just can't seem to find a reason to believe
That I can break free
Cause you see I have been down for so long
Feel like the hope is gone
But as I lift my hands, I understand
That I should praise you through my circumstance

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise youI just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise you
I'm gonna praise you

Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gon lose my mind
But I know you wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need you to lift this load
Cause I can't take it anymore

Shackles - Mary Mary

Psalms 118:13,14
You pushed me violently, that I might fall, But the Lord helped me.
The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation.
Psalm 118:28
You are my God, and I will praise You; You are my God, I will exalt You.

The top get's higher the more that I climb...

Knowing you makes me
question my sanity,
my Christianity,
and so my vanity,
makes me think you love me too.

....just what I've been thinking...for everything...mazel tov

his response...

Silly of me to think that I could ever have you for my gal
How I love you...
How I want you...
Silly of me to think that you could ever really want me too
How I love you...

----

You're just a lover out to score
I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be...
Oh, Love, oh, love, stop making a fool of me
Oh, Love, oh, love, stop making a fool of me

my truth...is you

My heart belongs to you
So what could I do
To make you feel I'm down with
You see me hangin around
But you don't know how you make me feel for you, and

Each and every day, I try to make some sense of this
What you mean to me, I know it could be serious
Each and every nite, I dream about just holding you
Loving you like this, what is a girl supposed to do

I love you, I want you, I need you in my life
Can't you see what you mean to me
Baby come hold me tight
I miss you, wanna kiss you
Everytime I see your face
Baby I'll be waiting for you
Each and everyday

You're the only one for me
And I know it's meant to be
What can I do to make you see
My love will carry on
So listen to my heart and know
You'll find out where my love will go
The future lies between us boy
Oh babe I love you so

I love you
I want you
You're the one that I live for
And I can't take it any more
I love you
I need you
What can I do to make you see
You're the only one for me

First time I saw your face
My heart just erased
All the guys I knew before
You walked into my life
I was the type to never want for nothing

Faith Evans - 'I love you'

I realize I've grown...

I'm no longer capable of falling...for the wrong things...it's a God given gift called discernment.

Psalm 23:4

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close...

"I let my music take me where my heart wants to go."

One Day True...

They said my future was dark
You see me now?
Just look around I’m beamin’

They used to talk
When I wasn’t around
You see me now I’m beamin’

Do you remember me, the guy from verse one?
Failure’s my last name, Never’s my first one
You see I hood a lot, and yeah I nerd some
Hood’s where the heart is, nerd’s where the words from
Don’t represent either, because I merged them
‘S kids who wanna leave, and I encourage them
Go out and see the world, never return from
Yeah, you don’t come back, unless you learn some
And baby girl, what does it matter where your purse from?
Your hurr done, your nails did, your ass fat, but you’re dumb
Mix Melyssa Ford with Maya Angelou
Become a top model and Sojourner too
I try to follow this, what Muhammad do
It’s such a old soul inside the sonic youth
Swear I’m Ferrari’d up, and I’m conscious, too
I don’t prophesize: I promise you

Lupe Fiasco - "I'm Beamin" - Verse 2
(this song is just stuck in my head...)

HUSTLIN'

So I've been working tirelessly on getting these songs I'm trying to get finished. I feel like the creativity in me is flowing non-stop. I'm grateful and super tired. It's funny though, I actually have thought about this...I couldn't even write until I let go of my issues...specifically my father. Since I let go of all of that garbage I've been a song writing maniac. I'm not the best writer in the world just like I'm not the best singer, but I know I have a special talent that seems to attract people to who God made me to be. What's also funny to me is that my husband can't believe what I've been able to do...just yesterday he said, "I can't believe you wrote this stuff, I love your lyrics..." From a guy who listens to anything from Wu Tang to Jay-Z to Soldier Boy to Naz, I can't be mad at that!

I'm excited about the task God has placed in front of me and hope I rise to the occasion, but I'm sure as I continue down this road to victory I will undoubtedly have lows as good as my current high...

Matthew 6:33

Substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen...

Believe

Is that really all there is,
Nothing is that easy,
No physical labor, no work involved?
That’s hard for me to see…

Because my people have been through a lot
We’ve learned you work hard for what you’ve got.
If there is no struggle, there is no progress,
But this progress You alone have blessed.

Seriously, Lord, I don’t understand,
I’m confused about your plan,
I want to put my life in your hand,
But tell me how can I stand?
I feel like I’m planted on sand,
So I shrink because I think that’s all that I am.

I ask you what do I do
And I always get the same answer from You.
I ask how do I do it,
You say, your faith has already gotten you through it.

But why do I feel the same.
“Your faith is so little, I’m ashamed to say.
Just continue to pray.
Believe in what I say.
I won’t change or go away.
And I AM the only way.

Your peace is important to me
I will set you free,
All you have to do is believe.”

So many painful thoughts travel through my mind

and I wonder how I will make it through this time

But I trust you, Lord it’s not easy Sometimes the pain in my life,

makes you seem far away

But I’ll trust you, I need to know you’re here

Through the tears and the pain

Through the heartache and rain

I’ll trust you

Everything that I see tells me not to believe

But I’ll trust you Lord you have never failed me

My past still controls me will this hurt ever leave?

I can only trust you, no one loves like you do

God will make a way

God will make a way

God will make a way

God will make a way

Peace at last...

EARLY IN THE MORNING

I'LL SEEK YOUR FACE,

I FIND MY LIFE IN THE FULLNESS OF YOUR JOY,

EVERY STRESS AND ANXIETY IT IS GONE,

WHEN I ENTER YOUR REST

WHEN I ENTER YOUR REST

I FIND MY LIFE IN YOU,

WHEN I ENTER YOUR REST,

MY PEACE IS COMPLETE,

WHEN I ENTER YOUR REST,

OH MY FAITH IS REFRESHED

WHEN I ENTER YOUR REST,

I AM SURROUNDED BY THE POWER OF YOUR LOVE.

When I enter your rest - Joann Rosario

...

I just had a thought, I love God, truly. All that happens in my life, I have the choice to love Him or be mad at Him. Loving God is so nice, because there are no strings attached. You just make the choice and He does the rest!

Sunday's Best

So I've been trying like crazy to get my video to post on the Sunday's Best casting website and it doesn't seem like it's working...so since I have my own blog I will post it here...it's not my best and it's kind of poor quality but I worked with what I had...hopefully you enjoy...




So for some reason this vid isn't working...so what Ima do is put something up here from the crib that I can be proud of...since my video for Sunday's Best didn't work anyway...it said it loaded, but there is nothing on my page...

http://www.sundaybestcasting.com/people/ShaylaPorter

You can see what is on there...

I love Hip Hop...

Okay, so I straight jacked this from Legends League, but this is too hot not to put on here...seriously, I've never seen anybody make beats live like this and it sound mixed...love it...sadly it reminds me of my ex, he kinda looks like him (but it's not him), so it brings back good music memories, bad relationship memories...
enjoy :)

araabMUZIK Live MPC Set Part 1 from Death by Electric Shock on Vimeo.

Romans 8:30 P-C-J-G

"Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher." - Oprah Winfrey

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. - James 4:10



It's funny how money changes situations
Miscommunication leads to complication
My emancipation don't fit your equation
I was on the humble, you - on every station

...

Wisdom is better than silver and gold
I was hopeless now I'm all hopeful
Every man want to act like he's exempt
When him need to get down on his knees and repent

...

I know that you don't wanna hear my opinion
But there come many paths and you must choose one
And if you don't change then the rain soon come
See you might win some but you just lost one

Lost One - Lauryn Hill

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. - 1 Peter 5:6

I will be in Atlanta this weekend...hoping for something special...

Coulda let the dream killers kill my self-esteem, or use the arrogance as the steam that power my dreams...

"Never change for the mainstream-stay in your lane, and if you're talented and resilient enough the mainstream will come to you." - Russell Simmons - "Do You!"

I was brought to an ugly place last night. I laid in the bed and thought about where I am right now and then saw myself sitting in that office when I'm 45...I broke down, I couldn't handle it, I can't stay "here" anymore. It is the worst place in the world to be... a place where you aren't allowed to be you. I go to work and everybody is so afraid of losing their job (actually of losing their stuff that the job pays for) that they will do anything to keep from getting let go, which includes disrespecting themselves. It is the biggest struggle of my life. I walk around wanting to yell at everybody..."WHAT IS YOUR DEAL! THE SUN DOES NOT RISE AND FALL WHEN YOU COMMAND IT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Okay, so that was a tad dramatic, but that's how I feel. It just drives me insane to be a part of it, and it's a culture that is encouraged, so that the powerful can stay powerful at the expense of the hardworking little people. I do my job well and I am reliable and loyal, that should be enough, but it's not, I'm supposed to massage egos and inflate heads already blown up to the point they are taking up all the space in the room.

But then, I woke up this morning, with a fresh idea that I'm sure will be the catalyst for my transition from "here" to "there". I will not deal with the crap anymore. I'm not afraid of being poor, I want to afford what I want, but I refused to change who I am to get that stuff. I would rather be poor doing me than rich playing a part. We should all be that way, we have to trust that God will take care of us if we just do what He called us to do, follow your heart, trust God, and know that the universe will follow the pattern. Things fall apart when we go through life trying to do things against the plan laid before us. We would all be much happier this way...

Just wait and see, I have something that will change the way the world looks at black people and music. I know God has called me to do something special, something that will help those who are willing to come back to the beginning when we were guided by love, not selfish imaginary ambition that leads to divisions and chaos...I refuse to say "here"...I'm on my way "there".

Peace

Hope of clarity...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWywGCJtzBc

So I couldn't get this to work how I wanted it, but this is 'Push Myself' - Adrianne Archie

I'm really feeling this song right now. For some reason I'm letting the enemy get the best of me. I'm working feeling like I don't belong here, God has other plans for me, I know it, why I'm still here I don't know. I'm ready to move on, to finally be happy, or at least not unhappy.

I've been studying about the "whole armor of God" in Ephesians 6:10-18.

13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, with truth, having righteousness,
15 and having the gospel of peace;
16 above all, faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.
17 And take salvation, and the Spirit, which is the word of God;
Ephesians 6:13-17 (removing the armor part)

It's interesting, until this study, I hadn't looked at the passage this way, the whole armor...all of it, not pieces, all of it...truth, righteousness, gospel of peace, faith, salvation, the Spirit (the words of God), and praying always...when we start to disect these devine words, we start to make sense of what is expected of us, I am only 10% into my study and I'm so excited to know more of my God!

Knowledge, especially knowledge of Him, brings me happiness!