Love

So what actually amazes me is that I have given up on the idea that there is that someone, anyone that could ever fill that part of you that longs for a true loving relationship in the spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional. Love is something that ever since I can remember has completely confused me. I don't understand it, I can't define it, and I'm pretty sure I don't know how to do it. Like so many others I've read 1 Corinthians 13 which is considered the love scripture. But what I find missing is the practical or functional aspect of love. What does it look like, how does it function and more importantly how do you get it and maintain it?

I have experienced time after time this feeling of exceeding joy over the presence and appreciation from the opposite sex; enjoying the physical contact of them and communication of ideas and thoughts. But then that something happens, a situation, an experience, a word, a look, a feel, something, whatever it is it's the end of the honeymoon phase and the relationship usually fizzles after this or is simply forever changed. I think I am one of those people in love with my personal idea of what love is. It is not a pretty place to be. What I would prefer is to live forever in this bliss of beginnings, but that's just not reality.

I also find that the older I get the more I imagine. The more I think about and dream about what it is that I really want out of this life that you only get one of.... YOLO! :) No longer do I want to just live here and it be an existence rather than a life, I want to live and to live fully I think that I must love fully. But again, what the heck is it and how the heck do I get it?

No one person can be all that you need in this world, which is why we have Jesus. He is our all and all. But Jesus is not here in the flesh, He is here in spirit and as humans we desire the warmth of flesh, the appreciation we feel when someone desires to have all of us. It is a need that is a part of us all from childhood.



Ironically, there are people I have met who give me hope that love does exist, that there is a beautiful thing that exists between a man and a woman where they connect on a level that transcends what we have ever known. That they join together physically to enjoy an experience like no other that doesn't require anything but her, him, and their God. I have met men who have stimulated me spiritually; taking me to places I never thought I'd go, deep into my spiritual self to explore something real, new and exciting, meeting God face to face and being fully in His presence. I have met men who have stimulated me physically, making me feel that warm place in my center that makes you want to scream and moan and be different, be submissive to whatever they desire. I have met men who have stimulated me mentally, challenging my thoughts and ideas, allowing creativity and removing insecurities and failures from my thoughts and reactions, opening up my mind to see the world differently and my dreams more attainable. I have met men who have stimulated me emotionally, creeping into places that hurt so bad, pulling out those things I didn't know I had in me, drive and momentum that was bottled up, passions that I didn't know existed, cares and concerns that make you laugh one minute and cry the next. Oh but to have all of that bottled up into one man who could be the receiver of my submission… that has yet to happen...


I don't know if love is real or just like a dog that chases his tail, but I do know that I am hoping with everything inside me that it is because if it is, I am sure without a shadow of a doubt that I will experience it one day....


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Measure of Success

So I think my goals in life are simply to be successful. The issue with this statement is that I have yet to define what that means really. Obviously it's the accumulation of a certain amount of money, but it's so much more than that. As I begin to network in this new job, this new environment I'm confronted constantly with the 5 - 10 year plan question. But I look at it in a different way than most. I'm looking at what skills I have, what knowledge I've gained, friendships I've built, and what I hope to gain in all three of those categories in the future... It's not just about the money for me, though that does matter :), it's about being happy with what I'm doing and being the best me I can possibly be.

So I'm traveling on this road called success and I hope the majority of the people I come in contact with are either traveling on it as well or trying to.

Thanks!!!!!

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Apple

So I'm unsure why, but I'm having a weird craving for apples... I'm thinking it has to do with the iPad3... my body is responding to the thoughts in my brain... ;)


Hoping I can get me one real soon... fingers crossed that my employer will realize how important such a device would be to my productivity. ;)




Yum... I love apples... and just a side note... the Simply Orange Juice company makes some yummy Simply Apple juice that tastes like eating an apple, not like your typical apple juice.


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So I must confess, I'm in this new job... and loving this place... the work leaves a bit to be desired, but the workplace is AWESOME, no joke... I can't say I deserve it because for all the horribly evil things I've done I don't deserve anything, but I'm grateful for the grace nonetheless...

This place had me feeling a little weird initially... I work for a company called Brown-Forman, we are the producers and distributors of brands such as Jack Daniels, Woodford Reserve, Finlandia, Little Black Dress, Chambord, Southern Comfort, Old Forester, Early Times, Casa Herradura, El Jimador, and plenty others... :) I really actually felt weird about it because I didn't know how people would react knowing I work for a company that sells alcohol. I'm a minister (not ordained) and it's hard to teach others about Christ when they have their prejudices that can make you feel you're not effective if you're not getting paid by some non-profit institution....

I had to let that go though, because I've learned more about being a Christian from this organization than any other job I've ever had. People are respectful and fair... judgments are left at the door and people work hard to be the best they can be. People are rewarded for working hard and doing well. It is encouraged that you try everything you can to find your skill sets and work in a position that you are able to use those so that we are all as effective as we can possibly be... what a wonder!!!

So, I'm saying, I'm grateful that I got this job even if I get strange looks for being an employee of such a fine company. I'm not just saying this to pump up my company, I've worked for other companies and had nothing but negative to say, so this is from the heart. Not everyone at BF agrees with me, but this is my experience and I can't live someone else’s life, I only have my own experiences and feelings to go by.

So this post is in appreciation of my current employer and probably my last employer before retirement... :) Thank you Brown-Forman for all you've done... and will do!!!!

Let's toast!!! Oh we have Korbel too... ;)

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